How about we do something now, and leave the world a better place? A little, a lot?
Train the performance of the teenager
By Elena Popescu-Grisogono
Therapist & Coach
It does not matter how much. How about we start with ourselves, with our children, and pass on the good we want in our lives? Everyone has something different to offer, something beautiful, something wise, a joy, a smile, compassion, something that makes them happy. When you are happy you cannot be mean, angry, upset, fierce and sad. And yes, the world changes, if we each do a small thing in this regard. Instead of looking at how the other “should” be, it would be good to look at what we offer to the other and how we are in relation to the other. And when you can give without expectation, and when you can be better than the other, giving is easy. The world changes, not as you wish, but you can be as you want, as you would like to be around you. The benefit you have is that the world would not change you.
We strive to create a safe world for ourselves and our children. Teenagers strive to manifest their talents and embark on an unknown and unknown path, they want to show that they are mature, they want to change the world, they want to follow their dreams and be happy. The family, in particular, should support, support, and participate constructively in their growth and development. In a world full of aggression and ignorance, of fear and submission, worries become more and more and the fear that everything is shaking around you becomes more acute.
Teenagers want to find a place in the world where they can develop, but most of the time parents don’t let them go and still see them as children who have to listen to adults. Adults ask them to be responsible and involved in life, but still see them as children who must be obedient. How could you be yourself if you only do what you’re told? How could you discover yourself if all that matters is the opinion of your parents? How could you get involved when the decision is not yours? It seems that no one needs you, and even for yourself you cannot be the way you feel. In these conditions, teenagers start to rebel because no one listens to them, they start to demand their rights and use all the means by which they think they attract attention. They don’t just want to be prepared for life, they want to engage and experience life.
Parents have the best intentions, but every time they will have the same discussions, the same family communication, and nothing changes. It’s like running in a circle (like a hamster) but the scenery doesn’t change because instead of letting the teenager have his own experiences, feelings, opinions and decisions, they defend him and give him everything they think he has the teenager (child) needs, and everything is so simple to give space and let him take on everything he does. In order to be useful to teenagers (and not only them) we should start to hear them, to pay attention to everything they communicate to us, both verbally and through their actions, to understand them, to trust them, to offer them safety, emotional safety, to dare to give them support and support in everything they undertake, to remember how we felt when we were teenagers and what needs or what we would have liked our parents to do for us at that time . Understanding the child who goes through different stages, and not imposing on the parent, is more important for his whole life. We’re talking about generalities here, but what works for all of us is the emotional freedom that if we don’t understand and apply with us, the child creates a defense shield, a mechanism and a behavioral pattern that he will use to feel safely, even if this pattern is toxic to him and those around him.
If we understand that family members are there to support us, and if we look at all challenges as opportunities for development, through which we see and perceive our emotions and feelings that keep us in the same situations, conflicts and in the emotional circle without changing the lasting landscape, and if we act, the atmosphere, the attitude, the situations, everything around us is changing.
The teenager needs to move on to the next stage in his own way. What does maturity really mean? Think about it… We may think of maturity as synonymous with competence, but is it the best choice? At a certain age you are competent to make decisions, you are competent to understand, you are competent to have a different attitude, you are competent to behave differently, you are competent to choose, and we can go on. But who defines the age of maturity? You can be young and mature, or you can be middle aged and not. Conflict with parents is a characteristic of adolescence because they want to find their own independence, to become autonomous from themselves and from teachers, and they can do this through physical or emotional conflict.
We learn through experiences, through trials, through mistakes, and so we discover what will help us think for ourselves, what makes us trust ourselves, and be independent of others. This is the only way we will learn, through experiences. Give the teenager the opportunity to know himself, discover himself, find out what he likes to do, just give him space and simplicity. You will be amazed to see how well he is doing, he is taking charge of his life. Take a look at yourself, or in other words; put on your oxygen mask first and then you can help your loved ones and more…
Book an online meeting at:
0732 119 756
